One defense mechanism that I use is displacement. When I was younger and got upset, I would slam my door into my wall. There is still a hole left in the wall by the doorknob to prove it. One time, I was lying in bed and I kicked the wall out of anger, and now there is a hole underneath my window. I also would frequently beat up my pillow. But the thing I did with most frequency was redirect my anger toward my parents. I would yell and scream at them when I was actually mad at a teacher or a classmate. Since I couldn't take it out on them, I took it out on my parents. But on a conscious level, I actually did believe they were to blame. It was only later that I realized what the true cause of the hostility was.
Another defense mechanism that I use is rationalization. I would blame my frustration on people who in reality hadn't done anything so bad as to deserve it. I would blame the teacher if I left an assignment to the last minute, or if I did poorly on a test, or if I didn't understand a homework assignment. This is closely related to the displacement mechanism that I use, as I would then turn this frustration against my parents.
I am more aware of these defense mechanisms now than when I would use them with more frequency. It is really strange; when I was younger, I truly believed that everything that went wrong was my parents' fault. Now I realize that that was a lie, but I still cannot lash out on the true culprit. I believe that this has caused by to resort to rationalization more now than before, since I can get the mentality of, "Everything is their fault, but I can't do anything about it," which, of course, doesn't help.
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